It just hit me. In about 6 weeks I’m going to have a baby. The countdown has been on the entire time, but something just got real. This Sunday I’ll be 34 weeks. 6 weeks away from my due date. 6 weeks is nothing. Holy smokes. I think I’m really doing it this time!
At 29 weeks I had a maternity photo shoot done by Samantha Makenzie Photograpy. I love how the photos came out and am planning on hiring her to do Hannah’s newborn photos when the time comes. She does beautiful wedding photography and family portraits as well. Check her out at www.samanthamakenziephoto.com
When I look back at those photos I remember thinking I had a pretty big belly then. But the growth spurt is ON! Just about 3 weeks later someone took this photo of me and I can’t believe how much bigger I look.
Every time I look in the mirror I just can’t believe it’s my body reflecting back at me. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and think to myself, “I don’t feel like I have a huge belly right now.” And then I roll over and get out of bed, and rest assured, it’s still there….which is a good thing. It’s just so mind blowing at times.
Growing another human being inside you is honestly one of the most amazing things. I truly don’t think you can appreciate it until you go through it yourself. Everyone always told me, but I didn’t respect the immensity of it all until my journey into motherhood began over a year ago. To feel her moving around inside me all the time, and knowing that a little creature is literally living inside of me is so….I have no words to describe the depth of what I feel. It is the most important, most profound thing I have ever done. Nothing has ever made me feel more alive than being pregnant.
I have imagined the moment I get to hold my little Hannah Rose. And every time I imagine it, I cry. I cry for my Thomas and my James. I cry because I know that holding Hannah for the first time is going to be such a bittersweet moment. A moment of promise. And a moment of memories. A moment to cherish what we have and a moment to grieve what we have lost. Looking in Hannah’s eyes, for the first time and every time, will remind me of my boys. I imagine their spirit will live on in hers. I imagine I’ll hear their laughter in the echoes of hers. I imagine I will see them in her. And that will be comforting and challenging all the same.
But I can’t wait. I am so eager to meet my baby girl. To hold her. To hear her breathe in my ear. To feel the warmth of her body. It will be worth all the aches and pains, all the heartburn and constipation, all the cellulite and lost muscle. It will all be worth it when I can hold my little one for the first time. To hug her tight and smother her with kisses….and continue to do so for hopefully a long, long time.